Wednesday, February 13, 2008

BITCHING ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY FINAL COLLECTIONS: JILLIAN LEWIS

It is amazing to me that Elisa was known as the "kooky" one from this season of Project Runway, because I think without her Jillian would have won this title hands down with her far away, I-just-woke-up-from-a-nap, hey, wanna try these horse tranquilizers? persona. I am surprised when she kicked the dress form in the WWE challenge she didn't shatter into a million pieces like a piece of statuary. And of course she was completely incapable of acting the part of a good reality television star and confronting Victorya during the Levi's challenge with a good spirited "Why are you making a coat too, you thieving bitch? Good thing your shit is ugly as fuck because that is the only thing that is going to keep me from going home for producing my own broke-ass coat, you conniving SKANK!"

But Jillian could come up with some good designs, and as Matt and I discuss, her collection had some highs and lows. Again, follow along with the pictures here.
Jason: Lets hit the top 3
Matt: Jillz
Jason: Dear sweet Jillian, who seems to have had Botox injected into her soul.
Matt: I secretly LOOOOVE some of this stuff. It's like top of the show for me, especially the first look. It's like Argentine aristocratic equestrian spoiled brat couture.
Jason: Or some Scandinavian ice maiden.
Matt: This look is HOT; one of my top faves.
Jason: Yeah I like it. It seems very wearable and real.
Matt: Exactly, unlike #2, which is BOTTOM of the pile for Jillian. This is gross.
Jason: It is the bottom of the pile I feel for all five. It is heinous. Tranny hooker in Hong Kong.
Matt: It's so bad; like the prom challenge dress they didn’t show. The breast plates are like Madonna Like a Virgin' Blonde Ambition tour...or so my wife tells me.
Jason: Yes, your wife is quite the HUGE Madonna fan.
Matt: She picks out ALL my outfits.
Jason: Seriously, if they ever opened a Showgirls themed casino in Vegas, this is what the cocktail waitresses would wear.
Matt: Mercifully Jillian returns to normal in the next one. Very Norwegian space pilot 2029. It's really cool.
Jason: The bitch can make a coat.
Matt: Yes
Jason: Unless it is denim.
Matt: Yuck. 1987 light blue denim
Jason: Thank God for Victorya that challenge.
Matt: I like this phony winter collection she has for places that are like "fake cold", like the middle of Luxembourg, not Chicago, where women wear ugly bedspread, quilted, down to the ankle coats like the next look.
Jason: So awful. Talk about naughty equestrian.
Matt: Jillian's obviously been riding with Mummy and Daddy through the moorlands. A brisk morning ride.
Jason: And is that a zipper at the crotch? So the model can pull her dick out?
Matt: I actually think this is HOT. It's very Madonna's Confessions tour last year, that my wife went to with her girlfriends.
Jason: Oh right, your wife couldn't speak for 5 days from screaming "I love you Madonna" at the top of her lungs the whole time. I remember. Which brings us to #5, or should I say Nombre Cinq?
Matt: Kinda goofy but cute. Jillian's stuff seems the most 'realistic', even when its OTT.
Jason: Very high class French bistro server. And a variation of the puffy sleeves. I feel like without the crochet loops it would be pretty simple.
Matt: Yes. How about the next one?
Jason: I feel like I saw this dress in the roller skating scene of Xanadu.
Matt: It's a lil glittery but, its pretty subdued. It's like dowdy Xanadu/goth Xanadu.
Jason: Square cut neck. Ugh. Feather boa hot glued around the hem. Ugh.
Matt: Well, its better than the next one.
Jason: the next fucking look.
Matt: Its like a very mild mannered look and then the ridiculous shoulders.
Jason: It is like she was at some high end store when it was raining and they gave her an umbrella bag (I still have the one from Prada in SoHo) and she stole a second one decided to attach them to the shoulders.
Matt: yeah it looks like last minute add on to a simple blazer to "be weird."
Jason: The skirt she wore once on the show.
Matt: The skirts OK.
Jason: Very cha-cha.
Matt: Yes, Grease is the word. And “Gross” is the word for the next one - its so Madonna Erotica meets Vogue.
Jason: Priscilla Queen of the Desert but boring. Plus I hate pleated pants and those "pants" are nothing but pleats.
Matt: and like the gold tranny hooker dress, its like 'What is that doing here?". It’s FUGLY.
Jason: Maybe she had to work with Ricky at the end, and he made the corset/bustier top. He does have a lot of lingerie experience. And then he cried.
Matt: Gross; of course they have to drag that troll back to gunk up everyone's collection.
It’s very J-Lo and you know how I despise that creature.
Jason: Hey! J-Lo rhymes with Camel Toe, which brings us to look #9.
Matt: I actually like this one, back to the saddle. It’s cute!
Jason: I like the top. It is very usual and kind of cool. I just wish someone would straighten out her pants.
Matt: Yeah, its simple and kinda complex at the same time, It's very Daddy's Lil’ Girl & you know Jillian is loving that.
Jason: Speaking of little girl, how about her dress that is #10. When I first saw it I liked it, but now in high res...
Matt: Yukkk! It's another one of these "where the hell did that come from?” It looks kinda shoddy and dumpy.
Jason: I know. It fits no where. The scoop is way to much, and the structure over the midsection is weird.
Matt: Like Jo Polnaczek at the Prom in "Facts of Life."
Jason: Except without the cleavage. Mrs. Garrett wouldn't have stood for that.
Matt: Yes. And some hi-tops and a biker jacket and some hot lez action. Its very frumpy 80s with the chest part ripped open.
Jason: So how about the last look? I could totally use one of those hood things for when I have to walk to the grocery store later.
Matt: Hot. Blade Runner robot woman in frozen tundra land. She finishes it off with a hot thing.
Jason: Again, the bitch can make a coat.
Matt: And then she curtsies, like a freaky Daddy issues ex-ballerina, anxiety disorder, comatose Valiumed-up young lady.
Jason: So Jillz. Second runner up? We haven't gotten to Rami yet.
Matt: Maybe, I have to do Rami again to see. Those two are neck and neck.

Join us tomorrow as we wrestle with the desire to fuck Rami versus our hatred of him. Thank god for the hate fuck.

6 comments:

jamie sommers said...

I didn't get this collection. Aren't they supposed to be showing spring collections? This looks like fall wear.

Don't get me wrong; some of it I liked. But mostly, it was a big pile of meh.

jamie sommers said...

My bad. (need coffee) They are showing fall.

rptrcub said...

Hate fucking. The solution to all of life's problems.

Homofascist said...

Hate fucking. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

BeRightBack said...

Who's the jackanape amongst the Cynics who once said "Can I vote via hate-fuck?" Whoever it was, I thank you, because it has become my mantra ever since. As I believe it has become Nina's with regard to Rami.

Cynica said...

Stick to riding habits, Jillian. But what was with the holes over the inside of the elbow on the jacket in look #2? Is it for shooting up?
A Daddy's girl who loved her horsies - the woman is a total Connecticut-debutante Ralph Lauren cliche.