Friday, February 15, 2008


I actually love Christian. I know he is supposed to be the bad guy that a lot of people hate because he is obnoxious (like Jeffrey, Santino, and Wendy is S3, 2, 1 respectively) but this time for me the editing didn't work. I like him. He is funny and super talented and he really is fierce, even if he does say so himself. He is like the gay little brother I never had.

But what can be said about Christian that hasn't already been said? Matt and I take a few stabs at it while reviewing his final collection. If you get off on enormous sleeves and feathers, prepare to make a wet spot when you click here to follow along.

Jason: So could anyone really topple the fierce raw talent train of Princess Puffy Sleeves, Mr. Christian?
Matt: He's kinda fierce; except he didn’t use us as his runway music, which he was considering*, so he gets a couple points off! He looks like he's 4'8" in that pic.
Jason: And probably weighs 85 pounds
Matt: Wet
Jason: Sopping wet covered in Rami's man juice. Anyway.
Matt: You know Rami goes for gross, hairless, waxed, blonde, spray tanned, pumped up, scary queens.
Jason: So the first look...
Matt: Oh yeah, Xtian's clothes. Big Bird at a funeral. God, these boys in Season 4 love black, black, black.
Jason: It is difficult to talk about the individual pieces in Christians collection because I feel like it is the most cohesive one.
Matt: Oh, yes; he's the winner just for that. He has a limited pallette and a lot of the same fabrics.
Jason: I mean, I don't LOVE the first look, but it fits in with the rest. He is only one that makes the hats consistently work.
Matt: Yes, jaunty cap couture. The puffball skirt I can do without.
Jason: Yeah, I mean it isn't practical or anything, but as fashion it is so interesting.
Matt: Yeah, the only drawback compared to say, Jillian, is that it isn't very practical or Ready to Wear It's all kind of theoretical, fanciful, almost costume.
Jason: I mean, look at #2 & #3 together.
Matt: Kinda the same.
Jason: Maybe not practical or anything, but he has constructed the hell out of them.
Matt: Yes, almost making them unwearable sculpture, but hot. Some of the looks are so black, black, black, one after the other.
Jason: They just seem really polished and they fit in with the whole collection.
Matt: Completely.
Jason: Yeah, it is very simple in that respect.
Matt: And you know he did this in like one week and then went on vacation.
Jason: Speaking of vacation, let's take a trip to #4 (sorry, bad pun)
Matt: He can put on a show, for sure! THAT coming down a runway is HOT. Crazy huge hat, ruffle attack boa constrictor. OTT glamour.
Jason: Yet the pants on their own look very stylish and wearable
Matt: Yes, he's very top heavy, I just realized.
Jason: And NO skin
Matt: Total Diane Keaton, cover it head-to-toe.
Jason: I guess he doesn't want to look at boobies. How about #5?
Matt: Very VictorYA. Why was she YA?
Jason: Because she sucks? I don't know.
Matt: My least fave. Too Renaissance painter - makes her look 234 lbs.
Jason: The pants are good though. And it is interesting even though it is kind of simple.
Matt: Yeah, the same pant, all the way through the collection different colors.
Jason: When you do one thing well....
Matt: Yeah, but the top is too much.
Jason: Speaking of too much, do you like feathers? Because look #6 would be the one for you.
Matt: I hate birds but this is OTT HOT! Like sooo unwearable, but very show-stopping. It's like sooo Bird Flu waiting to happen. If he starts or ends with this one, he'll win.
Jason: It probably smells like when you are sick with a fever at home, and you are sweating under your down comforter, and it just smells like wet feathers.
Matt: M.I.A. would love it
Jason: Or Posh. But we will get to her in a minute.
Matt: Then he tones it down with the next one; very Ready to Wear. Jaunty cap and all!
Jason: Gorgeous pant and blouse. And the cap works!
Matt: Yeah, great look. Great construction; I feel like this is something that Sweet P wanted to do.
Jason: Totes. What about #8
Matt: Impractical but ornate and hot. And the details are so great.
Jason: And the model is great. I love the texture of the pant.
Matt: Oh, she's hot. Yeah the pants are really cool! and the shoes.
Jason: You know SJP would wear that jacket with a tutu on Sex & The City.
Matt: SJP is shitting herself and texting Xtian for the whole thing. “ Xtian, SJP, on the SATC set, want it all, $100,000 XO SJP.” Buy it all up!
Jason: They are missing at least one or two photos of looks.
Matt: I know; thankfully they’re are missing a stinker, the chocolate/vanilla swirl cone.
Jason: But I wanted to talk about that one!
Matt: Let's talk people can find it, if they’ve read this far!
Jason: Let me find it! Yeah, it is a little whatevs.
Matt: All I think of is McDonald's swirl cone. And he probably didn't want that.
Jason: Maybe that is the inspiration. Although I don't think he has ever been in a McDonalds.
Matt: Oh, you know he has. Sneaks those apple pies in the dorms. Oh but he hasn’t eaten since '04.
Jason: What about the second to last look of the high res pics? A little boring of all of them.
Matt: Yeah, the last two are a bit by-the-book. Nice, but he maybe needed a few of the suits in something other than black.
Jason: The last chick is Leah, who has been Sweet P's model.
Matt: I think the photos are out of order a bit.
Jason: Maybe he switched? I'll bet that huge feather dress is his last look.
Matt: He did. I'm sure of it So top 3? Of course.
Jason: Winner.
Matt: Yeah. I never would have thought from day one.
Jason: I'll bet Posh left a wet spot on her seat.
Matt: And lost like 5 lbs.
Jason: Get her some handiwipes.
Matt: I mean Xtian will win because his stuff is soooo her; that was just luck of the draw.
Jason: Well, I guess she and Tim Gunn were interviewed after the show and she said there was one collection that she would wear every piece from. I have to believe that she was talking about our boy Flock of Seagulls.
Matt: Yes.
Jason: Next weeks episode is going to seem really anti-climactic (EDITORS NOTE: It was).
Matt: Totally; why did they arrange it like this? So dumb. And you know the Bravo scheduler is like a 150K a year job.
Jason: I just think that showing 5 designers is dumb. If they are going to show 5, than show 5. It is like the Special Olympics. Everybody shows! Or Oprah. You’re going to Fashion Week, and YOU’RE going to Fashion Week...
Matt: Yeah, it takes some of the excitement away. 3 is so much more of a refined moment; sorry #4 & 5!
Jason: I liked last season showing the final four. I thought that was a good call. I really didn't want any of them to go home.
Matt: Even that felt a tad cheap but....You didn’t want Neck Tatt to leave?
Jason: Oh right, Neck Tatt. Yeah, I kind of hated him. Okay, I need to take a break and watch some gay porn. Love to the wifey!
Matt: You too. XOXO.

*Matt and Matt actually got ahold of Christian through his Myspace page and sent him samples of their band Microfilm's music and he said he really liked it. And you'll like it! Check them out.


melissa said...

Christian's my favorite. His obnoxious-ness is adorable. Haha.

driouxcipher said...

I'd hit it. But seriously, that featherdress is un-fucking-believable! So hot!

bitchy said...

Honey the dialogue is just too long.