RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11/01-1/30/08

Just a couple of quick updates. Yesterday at Cynics' Party I wrote about the about-fucking-time demise of our favorite purveyor of the tragic drag queen arts, Rudy Giuliani. Please take a moment to pay your respects. Be on the lookout for a Very. Special. Edition. of Hot or Not? sometime later tonight at CP HQ.

Big Head DC posted the entire Snappy Hour between myself and Comrade Be.Right.Back about the relative hotness of John Sebelius. You can see that here. Although in the the spirit of keeping things fresh and in their own voice, they took out my intro and added a completely lame and unfunny one. Good work guys! (Just kidding Rob - you know I love you).

SNAPPY HOUR

Hey everyone. I just posted a new Hot or Not? over at Cynics' Party. The topic is the Kansas governor's (the rebuttrix from last night) artist son. Enjoy it here. A special thanks to Comrade Be.Right.Back for the tip and for participating in the first ever Snappy Hour. The next time I am in Montreal I am totally crashing on his couch.

SOTU

Tonight Megan, Greg and Hunter will be having a 3-way over at Cynics' Party and you are all invited. Poor a stiff drink and start destroying those brain cells (you won't be able to catch up to W, but you can make a noble effort). If you would like to comment, feel free to here. Although with all of the hot and heavy action going on at CP HQ, I doubt you will have time.

As for me, I would rather watch a Tom Green/Wayans Brothers movie marathon while shoving shards of glas beneath my fingernails than subject myself to Shrub talking about the joys of tax cuts. Sorry.

MY FIRST TIME

Hey everyone. I just wanted to let you know that I posted my first thing over at Cynics' Party. It is of the hard hitting journalistic quality that you can come to expect from your Generalissimo (can I really call myself that now that you know who I am? Have I become an arrogant prick?). So please check out That French trader guy: Hot or not?
Hopefully this will get Comrade mw (dwsuwf) OFF MY FUCKING BACK ALREADY. I have heard tell that he/she is an intellectual libertarian, which... I will let y'all finish that thought.

Also, thanks to our ever fabulous travel guide Miss Expatria for finding this little gem on them there interwebs. I had never thought of myself as a fanboy in the classic sense of the word but I guess if the shoe fits...

LIFE ON THE OTHER SIDE

Wow. I had no idea what revealing my identity would do in just one night. The paparazzi. Getting into all of those exclusive Chicago nightclubs* without even needing to blow the bouncer (you know I offered!). And of course all of the drugs. This life of celebrity is going to be great. Just promise that when you find me unresponsive you'll call 911 first and not Mary Kate. I'm going to let you in on a little secret - she can't help.

The one downside to this life of celebrity is this really strange guy pacing in front of my apartment all night, frothing about the mouth and mumbling "oh sure, no one cares when I get fired." Not sure who he was, but I am very glad I have enlisted the protection of Miss Expatria's Gay Roman Mafia.

For those who haven't been following the comment threads, the adorable Taber put a link to the fucking funniest thing I have read in a while. Find it here. It is spot on really. I want to add the link but the name is so damn long. At least it has Cynic's Party on the Demon Alert list, as it should be. Speaking of which, if you don't like the name and the apostrophe, don't fucking complain to me cuz I just work there. I am already getting all of these emails from Megan saying that I am not doing my part to drive up pageviews and that they will start taking money OUT of my bank accounts (I knew I shouldn't have given them access) and that Greg is VERY upset with my lack of attention to The Mission. So I guess I need to get to work.

But before that, Oprah called and wants to have a spa day! It should be fun, although talking to her all day is kind of rough. That bitch has problems.

*may not exist.

A TOAST TO NEW BEGINNINGS

A Votre Sante! I debated about running this pic just because I am not sure we can really declare victory. Of course, Bush really couldn't either so I guess it works. But Megan has picked up a few cool sounding gigs - check out her blog for details. Maybe we are on the right path. In that vein:

So a couple people whom you may know, Greg Wasserstrom and Megan Carpentier, are collaborating on a new blog that I think a lot of you will like. It is called Cynic’s Party, and it is sort of a “pull up your bitch pants and talk about the absurdity of politics and life” free-for-all. Hunter Walker from Gridskipper and HFA Comrade Blogenfreude will also contribute, as will yours truly. However, I will be writing under my slave name (more like my heterosexist name, but that really doesn’t have the same ring) Jason Cox. Nice to meet you. For those that caught the comment thread on HFA last night, I said you would love my last name. There is of course the more sophomoric humor of a gay man with the last name Cox (thank god my first name isn’t Harry), but I also like to think as I move onto something new I have a connection to another Cox many of you knew, Ana Marie. We are of no relation that I am aware, but I hope I carry on some of the same spirit as when she started Wonkette. And sorry my name isn’t really Jasm Felchengroper, although you have given me a great name should I ever need an anonymous alias again.

So visit me here, visit me there, send me an email to say hi. And thanks again for everything.

I must add, for those of you that will engage in the age old “I’d hit it” game, the picture over at Cynic’s Party in my bio is not super flattering. Let’s just say it was my 28th birthday & I was approaching the one year anniversary of my mother's death. Ouch. My boyfriend and I had been going out for a couple of months, and almost four years later he still hasn’t entirely forgiven me for that evening. If the stories are true, I can't say I blame him. So in that spirit, here is a slightly better pic of me in the city to where I will flee once Bush installs himself as supreme despot sometime in October. If I escape from the concentration camps of course.

FUKL

Let’s talk for a minute about what life is like in a capitalist society. We are all consumers, and we have resources which we use to consume goods & services. We have a staggering, sometimes overwhelming array of choices we can make with our capital, whether those resources are the Ameros we are minting in the basement or the time we waste at work on the internets. Many of us have outlaid much capital (more of the latter kind, but maybe you send checks too) to Wonkette because we have enjoyed what we have found there. Good writing. Political insight. Deliciously hypocritical Republican scandal. The promise of ass fucking tags (which really goes hand in hand with that last thing).

We are here because we all had come to enjoy Megan’s contribution to the show. With her firing, it has been made clear to us that Wonkette will be changing. It was a decision that the blog and Ken specifically had every right to make. While it is fun for us, it is a business, and if Ken wants to help Nick Denton buy a second or third vacation home by DRIVING UP THOSE PAGEVIEWS, then by all means I say “good luck.” Maybe Nick will even let Ken borrow the place for a little vacation. That would be sweet! I am sure when Denton fires him in 4 months because Layne picked up the wrong throw pillows at Jonathan Adler (“I said the tangerine ones!!!” Nick will screech) there will be no hard feelings.

Or it could be over dry cleaning - hey, I’m astute, not clairvoyant.

But, of course, many of us feel that Megan’s dismissal was the wrong decision. And as good consumers, we have used this week to exercise some of the rights we have in this system. We have organized. We have boycotted. And we have turned our attention elsewhere. Myself, I have started this blog and have been invited to contribute to another, and having this creative outlet for me has been amazing (albeit fucking exhausting - please don’t think I can or am able to maintain this pace). Plus I feel like I have made 77 new friends on whose couches I can crash when visiting your fabulous cities and rural hamlets. Thank you for your friendship and your trust, and for treating me like I had an idea what the hell I was doing.

I am choosing to make a change. Instead of reading and commenting on Wonkette, I am through there. I am going to spend my precious goof off time at work making a go of this blogging thing (and since I am about to break my anonymity, I love you Ellen, you’re a great boss!!!!) and creating a little snarky political and secular humor of my own. I hope you will continue to check in with me, because you make it so much fun. You are all intelligent people who both love politics and love to hate politics, and I am right there with you.

As for the rest of you, there are choices to be made. In my mind, just because there are nice people that work at Walmart and they sell things that I like doesn’t mean I am going to spend my money there. But I am not going to judge anyone that does (well, I may make fun of the “I’m a Fredhead” bumper stickers in the parking lot). I would love if you joined me in the boycott, but if you want to go back, by all means. Jim needs you, and lord knows we have caused that boy some grief this week. He is a good funny writer, and I feel bad for him. And as I have even said myself, Ken Layne’s writing is truly “spit out coffee on your monitor” hilarious. So if you decide to go back, I imagine that you won’t be bored.

But if you want to come with me, the rabbit hole awaits (no, seriously, it is just a rabbit hole, I swear! Now just close your eyes...)

UPDATE: Megan has a fabulous post that you really need to go read over on her blog.

A TRIBUTE TO KEN LAYNE

Because I'm a lover, not a fighter.

I wrote all of my many, lengthy (sorry!) posts last night so that I could actually have one productive day at work today. [editor's note - which is going SO fucking well - ha ha] I saved this one for last, because after the horrible, bitchy things I wrote earlier (hee hee - just wait lovers) I thought this would be a good one to end with.

Here is the thing. I fucking love Ken Layne’s writing. I was not around during the AMC years - I started reading casually in earlyish 2006 and started commenting in October of the same year, so to me Wonkette was Alex and Ken. One of the reasons I haven’t said anything like “Megan is the new Ana Marie” is because frankly I never read Ana Marie, and I don’t want to be some lying poseur. I liked some of Alex’s stuff, but it was Layne’s writing that I found myself laughing out loud at and forwarding to my friends. His acerbic wit and restrained use of an f-bomb was, in my humble opinion, a thing of beauty and sometimes downright genius. He deals in the humor to which I respond. I was really bummed when he left Wonkette, and really elated when he returned. Needless to say, my opinion of him has soured a bit.

But I will elaborate on that later. For now, I want to share a few of my favorite Ken Layne Wonkette moments, and reflect on what might of been. I am sorry these are links to Wonkette, but I really want to capture to the spirit of the writing better than a lame ass summary. That and mama is fucking tired!

NRA Secret Graphic Novel Revealed. Ken would be called a liar and the book a hoax by quite a few bloggers and publications, but would ultimately be completely validated.

Checking In With Drunken Crook Jim Gibbons. Ken’s disdain for Nevada’s governor brought the goods. Although many of the posts only had like 200 page views. WTF? And Megan was bringing numbers down? Oh wait, sorry, this is supposed to be a tribute.

Meet the Antichrist. It is Obama. Did you know that? It has almost 23,700 views. Not quite as many as Megan’s farewell, but a noble effort! Oops...tribute. Sorry!

Help Name 18 Lousy Little Baby Pandas! I think that one is pretty self-explanatory.

I hope you have enjoyed this little trip down memory lane. Because soon I am going to bring it, and it isn’t going to be pretty.

A NOTE FROM KEN LAYNE

I sent Ken Layne another email on Wednesday after work. I am not particularly happy with the writing, it is a little long and scattered and unclear. It had been a long day. But it is a little dishonest to publish his reply verbatim and edit mine, so in that spirit here goes:

Subject: Towards a truce?

Hey - homofascist here. I just wanted to write you again and see if we can make some kind of deal. I know this shit is crazy, and believe you me it has blown up way more than I thought it would. But I have a suggestion that I would love to discuss.

I think it would really go a long way to have something from you in writing that I could post to my "troops". I know Megan isn't coming back to Wonkette - I am a lot of things, but not stupid. I pretty much imagine that anything you would say would be along the lines of "look, I am in charge, I have a vision for how I want things to be, Megan didn't fit in, end of story." I mean, I know it is just a business decision that you made that some of us don't like, but that is just the way it goes sometimes. I can totally respect that, even if I am one of the ones who doesn't like it.

We aren't expecting some kind of huge mea culpa (well, I am not - I certainly have read you long enough to know better). In fact, to me it really isn't even explaining yourself, it is just a summary of the way it is. But I do think some kind of official word would go a long way towards everyone just moving on. You may lose a few, but you and I both know that most will come back, and of course over time you will continue to gain new readers and commenters.

Please let me know what you think. As I have made known in the past, I was (still am) a huge fan of your writing. I was really sorry when you left and had I known all of the circumstances behind it I probably would have organized something similar for you. And I was glad when you came back. I am just not sure that Wonkette is right for me anymore.

Thanks Ken, and I hope to hear from you.

Jason (aka homofascist)

The reply follows:

Hello Jason,

There have been a half-dozen editors of Wonkette over its five years, plus scores of guest editors and contributors and fill-ins and try-outs and columnists and interns, etc. It's just a website, part of a chain of websites employing a hundred-plus writers who come and go, myself included.

Megan was given the opportunity to say goodbye to Wonkette readers after her short stint as an associate editor, and exercised her own judgment in her farewell post. I certainly don't speak for the company, but I can't imagine a publisher using its own publications to provide continuous updates on a disgruntled ex-contractor.

Ken

So there you go. In my mind I offered a forum to extend a small gesture to disgruntled readers (who would seem to be the bread of butter of Wonkette - just sayin’) and instead got a pretty clear indication that we are not worth the time. Perhaps I am reading too much into it, and perhaps my letter was poor - he certainly didn’t seem to get what I was asking of him. But in some ways I think it was the kind of official word that I had been hoping for and it has only gone to strengthen my resolve. I will let you draw your own conclusions.

UPDATE: On his last point, it has been brought to my attention by a very astute HFA member that Gawker has in fact published at least three updates on former editors Choire & Emily. An example is here.

UPDATE II: Megan has a fabulous post over on her blog re: the letter.

CRAPPY HOUR THREADBOMB

Today we turn our sights to Crappy Hour on Jezebel for another good old fashioned threadbombing. The week is nearly over (thank fucking jesus), and we need to wish Megan a happy weekend. She didn’t really have a good one last week. So wish her some stiff drinks, some stiffer cock and some new job prospects. And although potentially successful, I wouldn’t necessarily mix all of those things liberally.

And for the love of god people, try to engage the topic. I don’t know what it will be; cramps, strappy sandals, if guys are weird about making out after you have blown them. You never know with those crazy Jezzies! Anyhoo, your link is here.

WONKETTE SHORTS - January 25, 2008

Can I just say my favorite part of this blog is searching through pictures of hot men in their underwear. God DAMN this guy is hot! I guess I am setting you all up for disappointment when you finally see my picture today, but oh well. I’ve got to keep the troops happy while we are waiting for Crappy Hour to post.

What would look better than this guys shorts crumpled up on your bedroom floor? Um, at the moment nothing, but in the meantime enjoy a dose of Wonkette Shorts:

• Everyone's favorite elfin king dropped out of the prez race today. Homofascist is sad he won't be able to vote for him in the primary again. I guess it is a good thing he can go home and bury his face in that sweet red snatch.
• I mean, seriously people. She has a tongue stud. Do you know how good a blowjob from someone with a tongue stud feels?
• Oh well. At least he is the only person with the balls to actually try to hold the prez and vice prez accountable for their war crimes. Sorry San Fran Lefty, but your precious Nancy Pelosi just can't take the time out of shopping for unfashionable white pants and heels to have the same kind of backbone.
  
• The motherfucking Republican losers had some kind of speaking thing tonight. Your generalissimo was too busy drinking red wine and writing evil shit about Ken Layne to pay attention, but some of your comrades did. Enjoy.

Speaking of evil shit, stayed tuned today. I have some good (and LONG - sorry people) stuff coming your way. But after today, it will be time to turn the page. A new page if you will.

DEBATE OR SOMETHING?

Hey kids, I think there is some kind of Republican debate where they will all lie and talk about Jesus and not mention how they are fucking some of their staffers. If you would like a clean thread, here you go. I can't tolerate such nonsense.

IS IT TIME FOR A DRINK?

Excellent work today soldiers. You have all earned some R&R on The Holiday Deck, which is actually my pet name for my ass.

I will be working tonight on several new posts for tomorrow, including some inspiring words from the HFA's archenemy Ken Layne. You won't want to miss it. There will also be another threadbomb of Crappy Hour in the morning to wish Megan a better weekend than she had last week. And then we will assess where we are. I will then be taking a break for the weekend to attend to areas of my life (hygiene, dishes, interpersonal relationships) that I have been neglecting this week.

Also, if any of you want to shill your own blogs, please send me an email at homofascist1 at gmail.com. I would be thrilled to link them to HFA. And if you don't have one, start one! This blogger tool is super easy - you don't even need to know HTML. You are all such amazing, creative and inspiring people that you should get your voices out there. It is actually fun. Just ease into it more than I have, please. For your own sanity.

Speaking of blogs, there may be a little something coming your way tomorrow that you might enjoy. Especially those that are going to continue the boycott. And because anonymity is not really my style, you will discover that my real name is Jas....I've said too much. Just check back tomorrow, mkay?

And with that, I leave you with a familiar chestnut to keep you warm on this cold winter's night.

FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL!

You know how sometimes patience is rewarded? Like, oh my god you guys, like, obviously not always, but you know like when it happens it is like totally the best thing EVER and stuff?

Holy. Fucking. Shit. Jim we love you. We have found our target. Bombs away!!!!!!!!

If this can't fire up my fags, hags and wannabe homos, I am just not doing my job.

WONKETTE SHORTS - January 24, 2008

Um, yeah, I'll take it large, hot and black. Sure, I would love a little cream - thanks for asking.

Oh good morning! Sorry, you just caught me ordering my coffee. It does get us going in the morning, don't you think?

Let's get to Wonkette Shorts for today. We have a busy day ahead of us.

• Did you hear that Bush and Cheney may have lied in the run up to Iraq?
• Lots of hicks are reporting seeing UFOs. It may have something to do with Fred Thompson dropping out of the race, leaving his supporters to seek solace by looking up at the sky where Jesus lives and noticing that there are things that can fly around.
• Bush is in the White House tonight, clutching the shirt Heath Ledger gave him during one of their trysts in a pup tent at the Crawford Ranch and crying like a little fan girl. On a side note, he is having that rolled up $20 bill found by Heath's body sent to him for inspection, just to be sure.
  

THE PLAN FOR THURSDAY - 1.24.08

The plan for today is to pick one of Jim's posts on Wonkette and pile on baby! Or as one commenter put it, a good old fashioned threadbombing. That means lots of pageviews, lots of comments, lots of snark. And after reviewing a few of the threads from yesterday (after midnight, natch), Jim could use a good snark infusion. Good lord it is boring and snippy over there. They are getting so desperate for comments they are letting Paultards in. Paultards people!

I am going to look for something that I think would be good between 10:00 am and 12:00 noon CST, and once I find it I will post here and send out an email. Then it is bombs away. HFA propaganda if you want, but my recruitment post yesterday got us lots of new members, so it is not necessary. I certainly don't want to be viewed as the new Paultards. Because even though you all know that Generalissimo Homofascist is the only REAL candidate for president, others still have a lot to learn. Patience my children, patience.

Oh, before I forget. Can someone please send $300,000? I want to do some sky writing to get the message out.

If some of you don't want to go back to Wonkette for this, that if fine. I think the boycott should continue, and I will certainly not be going back. But this is a chance for us to give Jim some love and support, and to give us one last thrill before what for many of us will be a long, cold winter.

PLAYING THE NUMBERS

As you can see, I got back into my boxers, crawled into bed with my laptop, and once again the bf was there to take a picture. Notice the nerd glasses? I almost look like a....mathematician, don't you think?

Wonkette finished today with 154,759 pageviews and 113,307 visits. That is 24,303 less PVs and 18,100ish visits less than yesterday. But many of us were staying away yesterday too, so as some commenters rightly suggested, let's look at the averages for the other Wednesdays of the month. Now keep in mind that Wednesday, January 2 was the day after New Year's Day, and the numbers were very low.

The average pageviews on the other three Wednesdays in January is 191,391 and visits is 141,291. So today was 36,000 less than the Wednesday average for PVs, and about 28,000 less visits than the average.

Since the numbers were so low on Jan. 2, I think you could put those average numbers in a month without a holiday at approx 205,000/155,000, but let's work with what we've got instead of getting all hypothetical.

To me this is something. I realize it is not a big sample, but it would seem to be a statistically significant decrease. Of course, I hated statistics in college, so I don't know. And the only thing I remember about it is that statistics can always be manipulated to look like how you want them to look like. Something 7 years of Bush has taught us well.

PROJECT RUNWAY SWEETIES

The HFA isn't all about anger and hatred and boycotts! It is about hot men, and drinks that look like punch, and fabulousness. So let's gather around the barracks TV for the official HFA show - Project Runway! Will Victorya finally get some comeuppance? Will crying Ricky FINALLY get the boot. Will Chris let out his inner drag queen (rest assured). All this awaits.

For you poor straight boys that need to catch up, I can't recommend Project Rungay highly enough. So go there and learn. There are some hot female models too, so that will hopefully keep your interest.

END OF THE DAY WTF?

Um, please just read this and I am going to shut up and let you do the work. Go!

Huge thanks to comrade Jamie Sommers! Luv u girl!

TRACKING WONKETTE'S NUMBERS

Quick post (sorry, no sexy pictures).

Several have asked in the comments about Wonkette's numbers. I have not made any jaunts over and will not - you have all energized me and strengthened my resolve.

Wonkette has had 100,000 views today. You can check out Wonkette's numbers here and compare them to other days. Considering that it is already nearly 4:30 on the East Coast, I think we have made a big impact today. But I guess I will be able to tell for sure at midnight.

WE WANT YOU

Attention soldiers. We have gotten a lot more recruits on the boards today. If you have not yet sent me an email to sign up for duty, please drop me a line at homofascist1 at gmail.com.

Because trust me, you don't want to miss basic training.

WONKETTE SHORTS - January 23, 2008

Many of you don't know this, but I often start my morning lying in bed typing away on my laptop. It was sooooooo sweet you guys, my boyfriend totally took this picture of me this morning as I was planning for a full day at HFA HQ. I know what you're thinking - "Generalissmo Homofascist, isn't it difficult to type like that for a long time?" And the answer is yes, but the workout is pretty good. Before I started it I had a beer gut, but now my six pack is coming along nicely.

After I made the crack yesterday about Layne not posting anything more on Wonkette after he found that stupid "shoot the presidential candidates with paint guns" game on Drudge, he actually didn't post anything more. So today's Shorts is my attempt to look at political news and be...wonky? Just write short flippant sentences and do links? Whatever, I tried okay. For YOU.

Now for your snarking pleasure, and to help you make it through the day NOT GOING OVER TO WONKETTE AT ALL, NOT EVEN TO PEEK, NO NO NO, is the latest edition of Wonkette Shorts. Take a whiff.

• Obama's speech writer is young. And fucking hot! Can he take dictation?
  
• Two non-profit journalism organizations just released a report that President Bush and top administration officials issued hundreds of false statements about the national security threat from Iraq in the two years following the 2001 terrorist attacks. Just like the fucking left wing Commie liberals to say what 80% of Americans know is true.
  
• He's number 4! He's number 4! But at least he is being nice.
• McCain is raising money and getting endorsements in NYC. Don't be surprised when his body is found floating in the East River with Rudy G's panty hose tied around his neck.
• Illinois doesn't get much Wonkette love, but did you know our governor is not only a fucking retard and crook, but also has the worst hair in politics? When he finally goes to prison, I have a feeling the by then prison-hardened George Ryan will make Blago the Jack to his Ennis, if you catch my drift. And I think you do (RIP Heath).
• Crappy Hour on Jezebel is live. I recommend paying a visit - it is going to be good, and could use a major snark infusion.
  

Fire away!

THE PLAN FOR WEDNESDAY

Today I am asking for TOTAL. RADIO. SILENCE. A full on strike from Wonkette. No checking in, no peeking, no "just this once". I will be posting Wonkette Shorts in the morning to give us a place to comment (old school style, as some might say) throughout the day to hopefully make this easier. I really want to see the numbers at the end of the day. I know we are affecting the quality and quantity of comments, but until we have a total ban we won't know how we are affecting overall numbers. This will be a good thing in the long run. Trust me, I know what I am doing (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha).

WONKETTE SHORTS - January 22, 2008

If your generalissimo were on The View being interviewed by Barbara Walters, and she asked the inevitable question "If your soldiers were trees, what kind of trees would they be?", the answer would be simple. Wait, which trees swallow the most cum? Nevermind.

But if she asked me what you are passionate about, I would say making snarky comments about politics on websites that think too highly of themselves. And thus I am here for you.

Introducing my new feature Wonkette Shorts. Each day I will steal over to Wonkette and summarize a few of the posts in my own breezy style, thus allowing you to comment away here in the fashion we have all come to know and love without feeding the Gawker overlords.

Note, I will not be plagiarizing anything, as that is wrong and stuff. I will not be clicking "more" on any articles, so I will try to just get the gist of them (and if I not, I'll just make some shit up!). And I will not be summarizing any of Jim Newell's posts, because the poor boy is a victim in this too and I know some of you are supporting him (which I am fine with). So, with that said, welcome to the FIRST! EVER! EDITION! of Wonkette Shorts:

• Did you know we are less than one year from the end of the Bush presidency? Of course, if any president could cause nuclear winter just by welcoming children to the White House easter egg hunt, it would be him.
• Fred Thompson is a redneck hick loser, and maybe dropped out of the next debate. UPDATE - he be gone!
  
• The bad US economy resulted in billions of lost fake money around the word and millions of people of all shades of skin throwing themselves off buildings screaming "Fuck you George Bush" in lots of funny sounding languages!
• Drudge has a hard on for some game where you can shoot the presidential candidates with virtual paintballs. Now that he has found it, Layne probably isn't going to post the rest of the day. Presidential Paintball
  

WHY WE FIGHT

I wanted to post this little gem to invigorate the troops (some more than others, if you know what I'm sayin') and remind us who and what we are fighting for. God bless America. I never thought I would lead a gay army whose martyr was a chick with a big rack and whose mascot was a furry beaver. But I guess sometimes you just go where life takes you.

A big thanks to Nojo for the new banner!

This reminds me, if anyone has a stuffed cock (the bird of course - get your minds out of the gutter) that I can borrow, it would be most helpful.

WONKETTE STRIKE DAY 1; SOME PRESS AND OTHER READING

Greetings comrades. I hope things in the Homofascist rEVOLution (god, that word is even retarded to type) are going well. A quick peak over enemy lines pretty much confirms that this is working as traffic is way down. Keep up the good work by, er, I guess doing some real work (I know, I know, it sucks. But maybe you will make your boss happy and get that raise).

For those of you that are having withdrawl, I came up with a new idea for the blog that I will be debuting this afternoon. I am hoping it be like an Anna Nicole Smith sized bottle of methadone to help you with those shakes. Who says you can't come up with good ideas at 7:00 am while trying to crawl out from under a hangover?

Below is a little press from yesterday about Megan's firing - there will be more to come. And an awesome post from Gridskipper yesterday that is most timely. Please give Andrew your appreciation.

From the Huffington Post - Another Gawker Media Staff Shake-Up: Wonkette Editor Fired.

From DCist - Wonkette Overhauls Staff...Again

From The Bilerico Project - Wonkette, Over and Out

For you Gawker-ites that are just dying to comment somewhere, you might like this over at Gridskipper.

VICTORY #1

We hit 1,000 (1,020 to be exact) comments and over 26,000 pageviews on Megan's farewell. And had a lot of fun in the process. Congratulations. The Army grows every day.

The pic is a gift for our efforts from the always fabulous David Flores. You wanted a little beefcake, well here is a little beefcake. You can't get more homo army than 300.

Now hit the showers! I think several of you need cold ones. I'll be around to inspect a couple of you to make sure you have been cleaned to my satisfaction.

A HARD(Y) WELCOME TO HOMOFASCIST'S ARMY

Where's Megan?

Hello, fellow and female Wonketterrorists and friends. Welcome to Homofascist's Army. The purpose of this site is for fans and friends of former Wonkette editor Megan Carpentier, aka Anonymous Lobbyist, to express our EXTREME displeasure at her abrupt and as of this writing unexplained firing in a classic Bush White House Friday news dump (and after most of the East Coast had left for a 3 day weekend - how calculated!). We have been talking all weekend to come up with ways to support Megan and try to get her placed somewhere back in the Gawker family so that we can continue to keep reading what so many of us had come to enjoy. And based on my email inbox, it has provoked quite a bit of passion and outrage. Would you be pissed if you revealed your secret identity and burned all of your professional bridges for a job that fired you 3 months later? Yeah, I thought so.

So, if you would like to be a foot soldier, we are urging you to:

-Go on strike and boycott reading and commenting on Wonkette
-Write to Wonkette editor Ken Layne (ken@wonkette.com) and Gawker baron Nick Denton (nick@gawker.com) and express your dissatisfaction and wishes for a resolution to this matter
-Keep reading and commenting on Megan's farewell post, helpfully linked for you here to avoid too many extra pageviews at Wonkette.
-Drink heavily.

We are hoping we get some kind of response fairly quickly so that things can return to some kind of normality (although I think for some it is too late). In the meantime, if you feel the itch to comment and don't want to risk your Gawker identity by posting HFA propaganda on Fleshbot, then your Homofascist is open for you as always. I am currently set up to accept anonymous comments, but if I start to get some fucking smartass contrarian bullshit I will delete that crap so fast your head will spin. Sorry, I am petty and I take things personally. I also saw on a recent incursion over enemy lines that Ken Layne is now one of my "friends". I imagine he will be waiting for me to post some HFA link so that I can be banned. Frankly, I have made peace with the fact that my life over there may be approaching the end.

I know that there are long time Wonketterrorists who will think this sudden outpouring of earnestness is ridiculous, and I sympathize. I really do. This is not how I imagined spending my weekend. If you have no interest, than by all means go back and act as if everything is normal and support Jim, cuz if this weekend is any indication he is going to need it. But rest assured that the HFA has many, many of Wonkette's best, brightest and snarkiest. So it may be a little unfun for a while. Sorry, it just needed to be done.

UPDATE: If you would like to keep up with Megan, or just see sweater puppy pictures for those of you that are into that, she has her very own shiny new blogspot. Visit her here.

UPDATE II: Megan has posted the story of her time at Wonkette and firing over at her blog. I feel like I need to stew on this a little bit, but it does seem pretty clear that any hopes we have of getting our Megan back at Wonkette are pretty much DOA.

1,000 COMMENTS OR BUST

So the troops have spoken, and it seems the consensus is that we keep reading and commenting on Megan's farewell post. She is still getting paid for pageviews, so while it does in a small way help everyone, it helps Megan too which is to me worth the trade off. She does not get paid for comments, however from things I have read Mr. Denton is kind of obsessive about them. So if we can get a "Deadspin Live Blog of the BCS National Championship Game" number of comments, it will be super impressive. Go team!

For those of you who would like to go there directly instead of going to Wonkette and rooting around and increasing their pageviews, there is a direct link here. It is up to over 17,000+ views!

There has also been some concern about the appropriateness of any letters to the editors and comments on Wonkette. The way I look at it, we are all adults, we are all intelligent, and we have legitimate gripes that we need to get out there. Therefore, we should be able to express ourselves without doing anything that is going to jeaprodize Megan's future at Gawker (because, again, Megan has nothing to do with this site and what we say - we are here to support her and her future).

That being said, I am not your mother (can you imagine how stretched out my vagina would be?). Gawker sites are known for pushing the envelope and not always being nice, so if your letters are a little "colorful", well, it certainly is language that they understand. I certainly like to throw out something completely inappropriate from time to time. A few of you have cc'ed me on letters to Ken and Nick, and while they are all distinctive, the creativity and logic of them have been uniformly excellent.

So with that, I bid you good night. It is off to the boyfriends. What he lacks in internet connection he makes up for with a well stocked bar, a huge HDTV on which we can watch the Australian Open, and a hot body to snuggle with on a cold night.

RACING TOWARDS THE BRINK

Let’s take stock for a second, shall we? Wonkette has managed to put up enough posts to push Megan’s farewell to the second page. Sort of like the putting up the bullshit Ron Paul blimp post right above her farewell like minutes after she posted it (and with no by-line - hmmmmm, how strange).

So tomorrow the boycott/blackout/cockblock - whatever you want to call it - starts in earnest. We know that the Gawker overlords love pageviews and comments, so we need to deprive them of pageviews and comments until the wrongs of Friday have been addressed to our satisfaction. If this weekend is any kind of preview, this should not only work, but it should be pretty fucking fantastic. Wonkette has been as dry as fucking toast, and while the liveblog of WALNUTS! victory speak got over 1,000 views, as of my last checking it got 13 comments? Wow. And comrade Peggy Nooner has been leaving some brilliant pissed off HFA propaganda behind.

Which brings me to...

Now we are all adults and the Homofascist Army is not know for being disciplined ALL of the time, so if you need to make some quick strikes in enemy territory and pull some insurgent guerrilla goodness, I am not going to be mad at you. I can’t say the same for comrade Blogenfreude, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time. In fact I think I should be mentally ready to post the blog’s url in a comment or two (y’all, I have been deluged with emails - it has been crazy). If you do decide to leave a comment, please at least indicate your support of the cause. I have a feeling the people we want to be paying attention to us will be doing so. For those of you who will not visit at all, which I highly encourage, I will be checking in and letting you know what is going on, and perhaps capture a few choice comments (or lack thereof).

There has been some debate about continuing to comment on Megan’s farewell. I personally think the goal of 1000 comments is noble and fantastic and will actually benefit Megan and show what we can do (1,000 comments on Wonkette? Unreal). But there are those that don’t want to give pageviews, and I respect that too. So I wanted to do a little poll to help flesh out the official HFA position on the matter, because without your input, I am a dumbass. But I can't figure out how to do that (technical assistance please), so for now please just sound off in the comments.

So rest up. Drink up. Watch some football (Go Bears! Wait, what?). The battle begins for reals tomorrow, and I need my troops hungover and cranky. And for those of you that have the day off tomorrow, can I just say FUCK YOU. My company doesn’t care about black people.

LESS WATERBOARDING, MORE BLOWJOBS

Actually, that sounds like a pretty good motto for the HFA.

Attention soldiers. Sorry about the silence. I have been locked in solitary confinement in a full body sensory deprivation suit (okay, I have been at the boyfriend’s without an internet connection for the last 12 hours). I will be taking stock soon, so check back.

A MESSAGE FROM MEGAN

Megan wants everyone to know that she loves and appreciates your support. And that she is serious when she said on her blog to email her because she is going out drinking tonight. She is rounding up her own troops and will probably attack a DC gay bar (Homofascist approves) later on tonight. I am just sad I can't be there.

Also, because you know we gays love to recruit new members, I just made another sortie over to Wonkette and posted my email address again. It should be noted that the pageviews and comments for Ken's Nevada coverage are pretty pathetic.

UPDATE, HUNGOVER EDITION

Good morning lusty soldiers. After an evening of typing and drinking tequila sunrises (I had grenadine in the fridge - who knew?), your commanding officer is feeling a bit slow on the uptake. So let's keep the noise down to a minimum.

Just a quick update - I now have sent emails to 43 comrades and I am checking back on Megan's last post to harvest...er, I mean recruit...more fighters.

Right now I must say I am ready to put ON STRIKE next to my name. After poking around a little online (with an assist from Chicago Bureau, my brother in this fucking -30 degree icy bullshit city) it has become quite clear that there is something rotten in the state of Gawker. To read more, may I suggest this. I am sure that many of you also saw that Greg was let go. So was Liz Gorman, staff photographer.

Big Head DC also picked up on this, and includes a poll about whether readers would like to see Megan contribute there. Read all about it.

The good news is that since the changes over at Gawker, visits and comments seem to be down (please correct me if I am wrong about this), so maybe this crazy boycott thing will make an impression. We certainly have among us some of our most prolific and hilarious (i.e. the people that make the site worth reading in the first place) commenters. In the meantime, it is still okay to view, comment on and Digg Megan's farewell post. But the Nevada caucuses are dead to us!

For those that missed it, Megan has started a new blog since her dismissal - chaoticmegan.blogspot.com. Pay the girl a visit. And for the love of Satan if you are in the DC area go out with the girl tonight and buy her a drink!

WHAT WE CAN DO NOW

So I created this blogspot thingy to give us a space to strategize, comment, and hit on each other to fill the void left by Wonkette when we decide to boycott for a little while (bear with me). I have been given several ideas for what we can go to help Megan and voice our displeasure.

#1 - Keep commenting on Megan’s post. She gets paid through the end of the month. Unfortunately Layne also gets paid for pageviews, but we are going to need to take some of the bad with the good. But don’t comment on anything else, no matter how Paultarded, Chief Payne-ish, Jizzuary Republicans fucking goats it may be. I have been told that Denton is obsessive about comments, so that is a good place to make an impact.

#2 - The Digg thing that Moe posted is I guess true. So whatever the fuck that is, if you sign up to do it and “Digg” Megan’s posts, she gets some $$$ for that.

#3 - Write letters of displeasure to Ken Layne and copy Nick Denton, or vice versa. Be diplomatic, or call them asshole and pussy ass faggot, respectively. I don’t really care. Find your voice. I am finding mine. Ken is ken@wonkette.com, Nick is nick@gawker.com.

#4 - Don’t visit Wonkette next week, or do so sparingly. If we can get visits down, hopefully it will have some kind of effect. We need to be realistic - Megan is not going back to Wonkette, and I don’t think we could expect her to after this bullshit. But her landing at Jezebel is a real possibility, and if we have an impact that will hopefully convince Nick to loosen the strings on his little Kate Spade purse and can keep our AL close. And don’t worry, you don’t need to know about maxi-pads or broccoli casserole recipes or whatever it is those girls talk about to visit/comment at Jezebel. And Megan has promised to police the comments over there, lest it get too serious and leave a menstrual blood stain on your keyboard.

#5 - Keep Megan in your thoughts. She was pretty upset today, and we want to make sure she lands on her feet. Or on some super hot hard cock, which has a way of making a girl feel better.

Coming soon - Rules of Homofascist’s Army, The Five Stages of Grief, a little more about your commanding (yet oddly submissive) officer, and I am sure some other bullshit that will come up.

Time to drink until I pass out, because it has been that kind of fucking week. Cheers.

GOOD MORNING, LADIES & GENTLEMEN

Boys and motherfucking girls.

So this is one of those blogspots everyone has been talking about. I am sorry everyone, but I don't know much about the internets, or the linking, or the MySpaces (that is where you go to have sex with 11 year olds, right?). I know a decent amount about about tubes, but we won't go there just yet.

I am home. I am listening to early/mid 90s Prince as you can tell from my greeting. I have my cocktail, because Homofascist's Army fights no wars where there aren't beverages. And I am fucking pissed.

Today are beloved Megan Carpentier, aka Anonymous Lobbyist, aka waterboarding expert, was fired from Wonkette. And judging by the comments on her farewell, and the dozens of emails I have gotten, there are a lot of people out there who are pissed. Megan brought a lot to Wonkette that many of us enjoyed. Humor. Insight into the machinations of DC, and thus reasons why we should move to Canada. And of course some beefcake for these long cold Chicago nights.

Some backstory: Wonkette is the thing that gets me through the week. I have enjoyed getting to know and respect the hell out of many of you, your humor and insight (except TheFrontPage - god that guy seems like a douchebag) and I, like many whom I have heard from, felt that with Megan it was starting to hit its stride again. Because after the dark days of John Clarke Jr., who couldn't find funny if it were in his ass and he had two hands, a map and a flashlight dildo, some of us were worried. Time to worry again.

So I am starting this blog where we can get together and talk. I have been toying around with starting one anyway. I really thought it was going to be about tennis, and the male tennis players I want to fuck (Safin, Djokovic, Blake, Guillermo Garcia-Lopez, et al). I even had a name - Fuzzy Balls! But alas.

I have gotten some useful suggestions about how we can help Megan, protest her dismissal, and hopefully keep her in the Gawker family. So bear with me. I can ramble. I don't always write real good. But in the next week I think we need to go through the stages of grief together. I think we need to try to help Megan, because while this is fun for us, it is her fucking job and girlfriend has a mortgage to pay. And we need to let Nick Denton and Ken Layne know that we are unhappy fags and friends.