The Cynics Have A New Home

In case you are wandering in the cyber wilderness and looking for your friends from Cynics' Party, most have moved over to nojo's wonderful new corner of the internets, www.stinque.com. He sort of led his own HFA movement, but with less half-naked men, hostile swearing and blowjob references. Hey, no one's perfect.

So come join us! We have more contributors, more topics being covered, and that crazy ass Flying Chainsaw and his round the clock Talibunny coverage.

BITCHING ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY FINAL COLLECTIONS: CHRISTIAN SIRIANO

I actually love Christian. I know he is supposed to be the bad guy that a lot of people hate because he is obnoxious (like Jeffrey, Santino, and Wendy is S3, 2, 1 respectively) but this time for me the editing didn't work. I like him. He is funny and super talented and he really is fierce, even if he does say so himself. He is like the gay little brother I never had.

But what can be said about Christian that hasn't already been said? Matt and I take a few stabs at it while reviewing his final collection. If you get off on enormous sleeves and feathers, prepare to make a wet spot when you click here to follow along.

Jason: So could anyone really topple the fierce raw talent train of Princess Puffy Sleeves, Mr. Christian?
Matt: He's kinda fierce; except he didn’t use us as his runway music, which he was considering*, so he gets a couple points off! He looks like he's 4'8" in that pic.
Jason: And probably weighs 85 pounds
Matt: Wet
Jason: Sopping wet covered in Rami's man juice. Anyway.
Matt: You know Rami goes for gross, hairless, waxed, blonde, spray tanned, pumped up, scary queens.
Jason: So the first look...
Matt: Oh yeah, Xtian's clothes. Big Bird at a funeral. God, these boys in Season 4 love black, black, black.
Jason: It is difficult to talk about the individual pieces in Christians collection because I feel like it is the most cohesive one.
Matt: Oh, yes; he's the winner just for that. He has a limited pallette and a lot of the same fabrics.
Jason: I mean, I don't LOVE the first look, but it fits in with the rest. He is only one that makes the hats consistently work.
Matt: Yes, jaunty cap couture. The puffball skirt I can do without.
Jason: Yeah, I mean it isn't practical or anything, but as fashion it is so interesting.
Matt: Yeah, the only drawback compared to say, Jillian, is that it isn't very practical or Ready to Wear It's all kind of theoretical, fanciful, almost costume.
Jason: I mean, look at #2 & #3 together.
Matt: Kinda the same.
Jason: Maybe not practical or anything, but he has constructed the hell out of them.
Matt: Yes, almost making them unwearable sculpture, but hot. Some of the looks are so black, black, black, one after the other.
Jason: They just seem really polished and they fit in with the whole collection.
Matt: Completely.
Jason: Yeah, it is very simple in that respect.
Matt: And you know he did this in like one week and then went on vacation.
Jason: Speaking of vacation, let's take a trip to #4 (sorry, bad pun)
Matt: He can put on a show, for sure! THAT coming down a runway is HOT. Crazy huge hat, ruffle attack boa constrictor. OTT glamour.
Jason: Yet the pants on their own look very stylish and wearable
Matt: Yes, he's very top heavy, I just realized.
Jason: And NO skin
Matt: Total Diane Keaton, cover it head-to-toe.
Jason: I guess he doesn't want to look at boobies. How about #5?
Matt: Very VictorYA. Why was she YA?
Jason: Because she sucks? I don't know.
Matt: My least fave. Too Renaissance painter - makes her look 234 lbs.
Jason: The pants are good though. And it is interesting even though it is kind of simple.
Matt: Yeah, the same pant, all the way through the collection different colors.
Jason: When you do one thing well....
Matt: Yeah, but the top is too much.
Jason: Speaking of too much, do you like feathers? Because look #6 would be the one for you.
Matt: I hate birds but this is OTT HOT! Like sooo unwearable, but very show-stopping. It's like sooo Bird Flu waiting to happen. If he starts or ends with this one, he'll win.
Jason: It probably smells like when you are sick with a fever at home, and you are sweating under your down comforter, and it just smells like wet feathers.
Matt: M.I.A. would love it
Jason: Or Posh. But we will get to her in a minute.
Matt: Then he tones it down with the next one; very Ready to Wear. Jaunty cap and all!
Jason: Gorgeous pant and blouse. And the cap works!
Matt: Yeah, great look. Great construction; I feel like this is something that Sweet P wanted to do.
Jason: Totes. What about #8
Matt: Impractical but ornate and hot. And the details are so great.
Jason: And the model is great. I love the texture of the pant.
Matt: Oh, she's hot. Yeah the pants are really cool! and the shoes.
Jason: You know SJP would wear that jacket with a tutu on Sex & The City.
Matt: SJP is shitting herself and texting Xtian for the whole thing. “ Xtian, SJP, on the SATC set, want it all, $100,000 XO SJP.” Buy it all up!
Jason: They are missing at least one or two photos of looks.
Matt: I know; thankfully they’re are missing a stinker, the chocolate/vanilla swirl cone.
Jason: But I wanted to talk about that one!
Matt: Let's talk people can find it, if they’ve read this far!
Jason: Let me find it! Yeah, it is a little whatevs.
Matt: All I think of is McDonald's swirl cone. And he probably didn't want that.
Jason: Maybe that is the inspiration. Although I don't think he has ever been in a McDonalds.
Matt: Oh, you know he has. Sneaks those apple pies in the dorms. Oh but he hasn’t eaten since '04.
Jason: What about the second to last look of the high res pics? A little boring of all of them.
Matt: Yeah, the last two are a bit by-the-book. Nice, but he maybe needed a few of the suits in something other than black.
Jason: The last chick is Leah, who has been Sweet P's model.
Matt: I think the photos are out of order a bit.
Jason: Maybe he switched? I'll bet that huge feather dress is his last look.
Matt: He did. I'm sure of it So top 3? Of course.
Jason: Winner.
Matt: Yeah. I never would have thought from day one.
Jason: I'll bet Posh left a wet spot on her seat.
Matt: And lost like 5 lbs.
Jason: Get her some handiwipes.
Matt: I mean Xtian will win because his stuff is soooo her; that was just luck of the draw.
Jason: Well, I guess she and Tim Gunn were interviewed after the show and she said there was one collection that she would wear every piece from. I have to believe that she was talking about our boy Flock of Seagulls.
Matt: Yes.
Jason: Next weeks episode is going to seem really anti-climactic (EDITORS NOTE: It was).
Matt: Totally; why did they arrange it like this? So dumb. And you know the Bravo scheduler is like a 150K a year job.
Jason: I just think that showing 5 designers is dumb. If they are going to show 5, than show 5. It is like the Special Olympics. Everybody shows! Or Oprah. You’re going to Fashion Week, and YOU’RE going to Fashion Week...
Matt: Yeah, it takes some of the excitement away. 3 is so much more of a refined moment; sorry #4 & 5!
Jason: I liked last season showing the final four. I thought that was a good call. I really didn't want any of them to go home.
Matt: Even that felt a tad cheap but....You didn’t want Neck Tatt to leave?
Jason: Oh right, Neck Tatt. Yeah, I kind of hated him. Okay, I need to take a break and watch some gay porn. Love to the wifey!
Matt: You too. XOXO.

*Matt and Matt actually got ahold of Christian through his Myspace page and sent him samples of their band Microfilm's music and he said he really liked it. And you'll like it! Check them out.

BITCHING ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY FINAL COLLECTIONS: RAMI KASHOU

So my friend Matt and I have an idea for how to solve the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. We go over there, and put select representatives of the Palestinian protesters and Israeli military in a room and work to mediate peace. By giving them all the cocksucking of their lives. In fact, because it fits so well into the "Less Waterboarding, More Blowjobs" mantra of the HFA, I think that is an effort I could recruit my soldiers to help carry out. It will be a lot of hard work and is not for the faint of heart. You might have to lick some balls. You might have to let a representative of each side battle it out with a sword fight in your mouth. And you might have to keep mediating until your jaw is numb and your gag reflex has been destroyed. All sacrifices that must be made for the greater good. Because the HFA fights for peace & love, and we won't stop until we pick that last dark & curly out from between our teeth.

Wait, sorry - where was I?

Oh, right - Rami. Probably the hottest contestant ever on Project Runway. And as John Edwards was the son of a mill worker and wouldn't shut up about it, similarly Rami may have mentioned once or twice that he was born in Jerusalem. Like the struggles in that holy land, Rami presents us with conflict. He makes pretty, if kind of boring and the same, dresses, but then he acts like a selfish prick. He is pretty smokin' hot, but he dresses like he is going to a circuit party in 1993. You want him to get kicked out, but you like seeing him in a towel. How does one mediate this tension? Well, Rami helped us by giving us a signature collection for his show in Bryant Park to do with as we please. If you love anything that has to do with drapes or draping, click here and feel the struggle.

Jason: Let's do Rami.
Matt: God, lets do him head to toe. I wouldn’t suck his toes though.
Jason: I would! The shots of him in a towel were good.
Matt: Yeah but he's a bit too hairless. He should be like a wool coat in front.
Jason: I know. He is a gay man in LA - he probably preens and primps like any of those other bitches.
Matt: Yeah and he wears bad LA mid 30s gay men's clothing like too tight trousers and see through blouses/mouses/man-blouses.
Jason: What is that company - YMLA?
Matt: I know you have a good body Rami, but the tight clothes are making it look tacky. International Male?
Jason: Very Kiss Me Guido. Except whatever the Jewy/Palestinian version would be.
Matt: Just wear a white undershirt and some 501s. Oh wait...the clothes. Well, the first look is horrible. Teal. TEAL?
Jason: I don't hate it, but it is very naughty secretary. She is totally letting her boss fuck her up the ass in the file room.
Matt: The cut is cool, but the color is AWFUL. Like 1988 described in a color and it would be statutory rape because the model is about 14.
Jason: Well, at least it isn't pink. Rami doesn't do so good with the pink. So look #2...
Matt: Kinda cool. A lot better when you can see the details close up.
Jason: Yeah, it is much better. Like the detail in the pants.
Matt: Kind of wild but wearable.
Jason: The vest thing is a little weird - something your movers wear when they are lifting something heavy.
Matt: Please don’t let one of the designers pull that fake-ass "theme" thing; wasn’t Tattoo Neck all about "Japanese Ghost Stories?” He should have been disqualified for just using that crock of shit. This is could be "Japanese Geisha goes to the office." Or Daniel Vosovosikvick was "Japanese Military."
Jason: Japanese sleekness I believe. So are you on look #3 already I see.
Matt: Yes, like Chris, he likes the red and black. This is cool; very Christian, fussy, up to the neck blouse thing.
Jason: The skirt is good.
Matt: The skirt is cool. All the men in this competition like that shiny black fussy blouse look this season.
Jason: I like that his models have very natural makeup.
Matt: Yes, but the braid is a bit ugh.
Jason: Well, at least it isn't Chris' dyed-black-and-sprayed-to-death-with-Aquanet hair.
Matt: True. Then he brings in #4. The draping and that UGLY-ASS pea soup 1972 GREEN that he loves. And a gold Wonder Woman cuff.
Jason: Oh, sorry. What did you say? I just yawned. Moving on...
Matt: This is very Rami doing Xtian & Chris March. Fussy black OTT gown. It's kinda...blah. The fabric also looks like its about as soft as cactuses.
Jason: Look - Charlize Theron has something to wear to the Oscars, complete with weird head thing! Her spray on orange tan will look great against the black.
Matt: Happy Halloween!
Jason: Of course, #6 looks like something from Goddess. And you know what Goddess I mean.
Matt: This ain't called 'Classes', it's called Goddess...see ya! God, gold dresses should be banned.
Jason: I'm erect. Why aren't you?
Matt: I'm soft as a Karl Rove's dick for this dress. Move on.
Jason: And then there is #7
Matt: Seashell head. It's very....complex and well-made.
Jason: He probably got the fabric for 50% off. In the holiday gift wrap aisle at Target on December 26th.
Matt: But the color is drab as hell, and it looks really...uncomfortable. All his clothes seem really stiff, and one part of Rami I don't want stiff are his clothes.
Jason: Seriously. And of course another variation of the puffy sleeve.
Matt: And it all looks like it's sprayed with 4 cans of spray starch.
Jason: I am so excited about the next look. Do you know why?
Matt: G.R.O.S.S.
Jason: But it's Amanda from Season 3! The model bitch with the fierce walk who wouldn't shut up.
Matt: I don't care if Rami agreed to sleep with me and my man, I still wouldn't tell him this dress was good.
Jason: You mean your wife, right?
Matt: Wife! Wife...she likes 2 guys at once. Makes me feel more like a man. I have a feeling Rami has a "wife" too. And "children"
Jason: The bodice reminds me of the potholders I used to make out of nylon on a loom when I was a kid. Except, you know, I actually used good colors.
Matt: Seriously, PEA SOUP again???? Dusty, rotting avocados?
Jason: Drape and Drab. His signature.
Matt: The next one is good. His red and black stuff is good here.
Jason: I like that one too. The pants area very complicated and Christian, but the top is good. I like the collar.
Matt: It's fussy but chic. Cool pants.
Jason: The pocket flaps with the big buttons are a little dumdum, but other than that...
Matt: The next one is a bit...maternity
Jason: "Yeah, hey Rami. It is me, your big important celebrity client. Can you give me something that gives me no shape and makes my hips look HUGE? You can? Great!"
Matt: Totes. It's fugly
Jason: Speaking of fugly. The next one.
Matt: I actually like the print. Not crazy about his cardboard construction breastplate thing; very Clash of the Titans.
Jason: Wasn't there one of those crappy mall stores called "Dots"
Matt: Dots rules. Total strip mall TRASH.
Jason: Dots rulez
Matt: I wanna pick up Rami's stuff at Strawberry
Jason: You have to say it Chicago style - THE Strawberrys.
Matt: Then he kills us with a Teal replica of maternity dress. THAT's an ending?!
Jason: Helen of Troy? Again I feel like Charlize Theron will be wearing this next week.
Matt: And we all know HER career is in the dumper. "I just wanna gooo to the miiiines and get baaaaaack to work, like everyooone else." Oh, you gotta love Charlie though. She tries; Mr. F.
Jason: So hot Rami. I am not sure he made it to the final three. If Nina didn't want to fuck him so bad, I would think that he didn't make it.
Matt: He's in, but he's number 3. I wonder if he's good in bed? I feel like he's bad. He just wants to be body worshipped and doesn't care about the other person.
Jason: Only one way to find out. Well, he seems like a selfish prick, which I usually go for.
Matt: So cold. God, Rami you ASSHOLE! You just fuck me and then leave me here!!!
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
Jason: Wow. I hope your wife can't hear you.
Matt: (S)he loves it.

PROJECT RUNWAY OPEN THREAD

The final three will be revealed soon kittens! Let's get started...

Chris in a robe.
Rami is rockin' the hair chest
What is Heidi wearing? She is auditioning for a Robert Palmer video.
Bye bye Amanda!
A double elimination - PR does a DP.
Wow-wee!!!
Oooo - look! Marble ass.
Project Runway is stealing my idea (long story)!
Meeeeeeeeeow! Chris slams Rami.
Rami is so predictable.
The Temple of Dendur - my friend hung lights there for a fashion show.
$300!!!! Mama's going out to dinner tonight!
Christian's painting looks like my friend Robert.
10 yards of organza in white is probably a sentence that only a fag would utter.
The Argonauts - who was their leader? Jason!
It's not about who is the loudest. It is about who can drape the most.
Christian is a jackass. God I love him.
Jillian almost showed emotion. Almost.
Commercial. Mute. Refill wineglass.
Poor Sweet P. Her model is gone. They aren't allowed to have family emergencies. This is important!
Jillian. Another coat.
Special Guest!!!!
Collier Strong. Boring. Notice they aren't shooting the crater side of his face?
I love a really strong brow
Collier totally wants to blow Rami.
Chris is taking a nap. She be tired.
Tim Gunn is having none of it! Get ready for a slap down.
Chris ain't having it. She is done. He knows he is going home anyway.
But then again he is going to get to show at Fashion Week.
Sweet P - that muticolored fabric. Fucking yikes.
Do it!
Rami/stunning? Purple. Why is his shirt disintegrating? There is a haiku in there somewhere.
Can we just get to the runway show already?
Yay Rami in a towel! Let the hate fucking begin.
Make Nina cum!
Suck Michael Kors orange cock!
Jesus Leah, eat some fried chicken.
Oh Chris, so grounded. Let's go out for cosmos.
Jillian - drops the f-bomb! At least she burns her model.
I like Leahs hair. So fun and blue.
Yeah - Runway soon!
Heidi is working the bangs. That dress is a little boring for the final challenge.
Cavalli is like Michael Kors in 30 years.
Chris - eh?
Christians - awesome as always. Welcome to Fashion Week.
Ramis - BORING.
Sweet P. Ouch girl. Not bad, but good enough?
Jillians is pretty hot. A little wrapping paper, but good.
Cavalli is on CRACK!
They will hate Chris....
What?
Am I wrong.
Michael is speaking the truth.
Heidi and Nina too.
Jillian is in Fashion Week!
Was Nina laughing at Roberto?
Rami is getting the treatment I bet.
Michael is expecting more from you.
Nina wants to see Rami in her box, if you know what I mean.
I love that Heidi just said BALL-SY with that accent.
Chris - going to be in?
It has been a long, BORING journey.
And commercial.
Congrats Christian! What a surprise...
Jillian is in. She almost had emotion.
Is Jillian wearing a garter?
Bye bye Sweet P. You get to show anyway, so stop crying!
Drama.
Chris is IN - bye Rami!!!!!
FUCK! What?
What is this bullshit? They are still both going to show - what is the big fucking deal?
Don't worry Sweet P.
Reunion show. Yikes.
I want to take a valium and drink another bottle of wine. Night kids. Look out for Rami tomorrow morning!

BITCHING ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY FINAL COLLECTIONS: JILLIAN LEWIS

It is amazing to me that Elisa was known as the "kooky" one from this season of Project Runway, because I think without her Jillian would have won this title hands down with her far away, I-just-woke-up-from-a-nap, hey, wanna try these horse tranquilizers? persona. I am surprised when she kicked the dress form in the WWE challenge she didn't shatter into a million pieces like a piece of statuary. And of course she was completely incapable of acting the part of a good reality television star and confronting Victorya during the Levi's challenge with a good spirited "Why are you making a coat too, you thieving bitch? Good thing your shit is ugly as fuck because that is the only thing that is going to keep me from going home for producing my own broke-ass coat, you conniving SKANK!"

But Jillian could come up with some good designs, and as Matt and I discuss, her collection had some highs and lows. Again, follow along with the pictures here.
Jason: Lets hit the top 3
Matt: Jillz
Jason: Dear sweet Jillian, who seems to have had Botox injected into her soul.
Matt: I secretly LOOOOVE some of this stuff. It's like top of the show for me, especially the first look. It's like Argentine aristocratic equestrian spoiled brat couture.
Jason: Or some Scandinavian ice maiden.
Matt: This look is HOT; one of my top faves.
Jason: Yeah I like it. It seems very wearable and real.
Matt: Exactly, unlike #2, which is BOTTOM of the pile for Jillian. This is gross.
Jason: It is the bottom of the pile I feel for all five. It is heinous. Tranny hooker in Hong Kong.
Matt: It's so bad; like the prom challenge dress they didn’t show. The breast plates are like Madonna Like a Virgin' Blonde Ambition tour...or so my wife tells me.
Jason: Yes, your wife is quite the HUGE Madonna fan.
Matt: She picks out ALL my outfits.
Jason: Seriously, if they ever opened a Showgirls themed casino in Vegas, this is what the cocktail waitresses would wear.
Matt: Mercifully Jillian returns to normal in the next one. Very Norwegian space pilot 2029. It's really cool.
Jason: The bitch can make a coat.
Matt: Yes
Jason: Unless it is denim.
Matt: Yuck. 1987 light blue denim
Jason: Thank God for Victorya that challenge.
Matt: I like this phony winter collection she has for places that are like "fake cold", like the middle of Luxembourg, not Chicago, where women wear ugly bedspread, quilted, down to the ankle coats like the next look.
Jason: So awful. Talk about naughty equestrian.
Matt: Jillian's obviously been riding with Mummy and Daddy through the moorlands. A brisk morning ride.
Jason: And is that a zipper at the crotch? So the model can pull her dick out?
Matt: I actually think this is HOT. It's very Madonna's Confessions tour last year, that my wife went to with her girlfriends.
Jason: Oh right, your wife couldn't speak for 5 days from screaming "I love you Madonna" at the top of her lungs the whole time. I remember. Which brings us to #5, or should I say Nombre Cinq?
Matt: Kinda goofy but cute. Jillian's stuff seems the most 'realistic', even when its OTT.
Jason: Very high class French bistro server. And a variation of the puffy sleeves. I feel like without the crochet loops it would be pretty simple.
Matt: Yes. How about the next one?
Jason: I feel like I saw this dress in the roller skating scene of Xanadu.
Matt: It's a lil glittery but, its pretty subdued. It's like dowdy Xanadu/goth Xanadu.
Jason: Square cut neck. Ugh. Feather boa hot glued around the hem. Ugh.
Matt: Well, its better than the next one.
Jason: the next fucking look.
Matt: Its like a very mild mannered look and then the ridiculous shoulders.
Jason: It is like she was at some high end store when it was raining and they gave her an umbrella bag (I still have the one from Prada in SoHo) and she stole a second one decided to attach them to the shoulders.
Matt: yeah it looks like last minute add on to a simple blazer to "be weird."
Jason: The skirt she wore once on the show.
Matt: The skirts OK.
Jason: Very cha-cha.
Matt: Yes, Grease is the word. And “Gross” is the word for the next one - its so Madonna Erotica meets Vogue.
Jason: Priscilla Queen of the Desert but boring. Plus I hate pleated pants and those "pants" are nothing but pleats.
Matt: and like the gold tranny hooker dress, its like 'What is that doing here?". It’s FUGLY.
Jason: Maybe she had to work with Ricky at the end, and he made the corset/bustier top. He does have a lot of lingerie experience. And then he cried.
Matt: Gross; of course they have to drag that troll back to gunk up everyone's collection.
It’s very J-Lo and you know how I despise that creature.
Jason: Hey! J-Lo rhymes with Camel Toe, which brings us to look #9.
Matt: I actually like this one, back to the saddle. It’s cute!
Jason: I like the top. It is very usual and kind of cool. I just wish someone would straighten out her pants.
Matt: Yeah, its simple and kinda complex at the same time, It's very Daddy's Lil’ Girl & you know Jillian is loving that.
Jason: Speaking of little girl, how about her dress that is #10. When I first saw it I liked it, but now in high res...
Matt: Yukkk! It's another one of these "where the hell did that come from?” It looks kinda shoddy and dumpy.
Jason: I know. It fits no where. The scoop is way to much, and the structure over the midsection is weird.
Matt: Like Jo Polnaczek at the Prom in "Facts of Life."
Jason: Except without the cleavage. Mrs. Garrett wouldn't have stood for that.
Matt: Yes. And some hi-tops and a biker jacket and some hot lez action. Its very frumpy 80s with the chest part ripped open.
Jason: So how about the last look? I could totally use one of those hood things for when I have to walk to the grocery store later.
Matt: Hot. Blade Runner robot woman in frozen tundra land. She finishes it off with a hot thing.
Jason: Again, the bitch can make a coat.
Matt: And then she curtsies, like a freaky Daddy issues ex-ballerina, anxiety disorder, comatose Valiumed-up young lady.
Jason: So Jillz. Second runner up? We haven't gotten to Rami yet.
Matt: Maybe, I have to do Rami again to see. Those two are neck and neck.

Join us tomorrow as we wrestle with the desire to fuck Rami versus our hatred of him. Thank god for the hate fuck.

BITCHING ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY FINAL COLLECTIONS: CHRIS MARCH

Few in this history of Project Runway/reality television/life have benefited more from a second chance than Chris March, dubbed Sissy Bear by Tom & Lorenzo over at Project Rungay. While he has given us some tacky, he has generally done really well since his return and given us a good prom dress, an amazing avant garde look (in collaboration with Christian), that crazy leopard print hoodie and the coochiest of sparkly coochie shorts (for which he won!) in the wrestler lady challenge, and I would argue one of the most finished, iconic looks ever produced on Project Runway in the Hershey's challenge (for which he, of course, did not win).

I also just like Sissy Bear as a person. He seems like a composite of several funny, bitchy gay men that I have been lucky to call friends. Plus I loved his little cat fights with Christian, who of course Chris could snap like a twig and eat for breakfast. I would normally say that metaphorically, but after seeing his modern day goth collection, Matt & I are not so sure.

Jason: So let's move on to Chris, Mr. Sissy Bear. So look #1.
Matt: I kinda love that Chris is all goth. This collection is like Robert R's* dream.
Jason: Yeah, I wasn't really expecting that.
Matt: Me neither! He was listening to a lot of Siouxsie
Jason: Drinking red wine and smoking cloves.
Matt: Yes, talking about Anne Rice and gay vampyres.
Jason: But the first dress is pretty, it just seems kind of plain. And I really don't like the hem.
Matt: As Matt M.** said "It's a bit...Hot Topic.” Which is secretly hot, but kinda not.
Jason: Oh, and this one isn't even the "worst" of that phase. Look, I used to dye my hair blue black. You don't have to tell me. Look #2.
Matt: A bit Cruella de Ville at the office age 34. Where's the white fur coat?
Jason: The Hunger maybe? It is pretty, and more of what I expected from him.
Matt: It is pretty; very Vamp.
Jason: Which brings us to #3
Matt: Kinda not hot; the cross kills it. Goth convention.
Jason: I think one of my ex-boyfriends used to wear that. And I am including the eye makeup.
Matt: The skirt is kinda crazy-hem or static cling.
Jason: And the huge belt. And the shoes - the SHOES. Very Lezzie-Night-Out.
Matt: The grey tights are worse. I got it...it’s 100% Fairuza Balk at the prom, deleted-scene-that-never-was from The Craft. I LOVE The Craft.
Jason: TOTALLY. I can't wait until we get to the Showgirls collection. OK, next...#4 to me is really beautiful.
Matt: I actually think this is really pretty. It's really soft.
Jason: Again with the fucking construction worker gloves.
Matt: Maybe if more of his stuff was like this...goth but, flapper-goth?
Jason: Yeah, it is very feminine. But still dark.
Matt: Not as HEAVY as all the rest. More L.A. flapper-goth, not Chicago flapper-goth, 20 below zero windchill.
Jason: Why is it so fucking cold here?
Matt: Ugh, don’t get me started.
Jason: We have sunshine for one day the the wind chill is -30. Okay, #5 then.
Matt: This is a Chicago look, a big ole blanket wrapped around her. I cant even see what the dress is!
Jason: I know. Again, very Christian.
Matt: Yes, a classy version of WWE diva that Xtian had
Jason: Except...velvet. Why, oh why Sissy Bear?
Matt: Crushed velvet
Jason: Very Joan Collins at a funeral.
Matt: Lets move on...mercifully
Jason: #6
Matt: This is actually kind of wicked!
Jason: You mean Wicked!
Matt: Fierce goth dominatrix boss from hell, c. 1947. Even though the model looks like a 15 year old goth boy.
Jason: It looks like her neck has sprouted wings and her head is doing to fly away.
Matt: It's kinda hot
Jason: The shoes are hot though - good use of the bluefly.com accessory wall.
Matt: Yes, and the tights.
Jason: Next #7
Matt: Is that Danielle from America's Next Top Model Cycle...whenever? Love her.
Jason: Yeah - he apparently used a bunch of ANTM girls.
Matt: HOT. The dress...er.
Jason: I think this print dresses are kind of great.
Matt: Really? I think its a bit Hot Topic crown of thorns. Maybe if the shape was more oblique; its SOOO GOTH, G.O.T.H.
Jason: This one is probably my least favorite of the print ones, but I like that she is carrying a mace to smite her enemies.
Matt: That is hot!
Jason: Okay #8. See, the print really works here because it is so subtle.
Matt: Hot. Love it. The print is subtle, like a silkscreen...by hand or something?
Jason: Probably. Not sure how he would find fabric like that. Although, we may never know because...well, we will get to that later.
Matt: When he is subtle, Chris actually works. But he's usually, just...dragged out, as in drag queened.
Jason: They really need to do a drag queen challenge.
Matt: Well, they kinda did last week.
Jason: We had to put up with those wrestler trannies, they can give us drag queens.
Matt: Speaking of...next look.
Jason: Okay, how about #9
Matt: Hot. But it suffers from the scroll down problem. It looks like pajamas at the bottom.
Jason: RIGHT! Ah the Fug Girls and the scroll down. They do look like really luxurious pajamas.
Matt: Why not just the dress coat?
Jason: Why the velvet belt. THE FUCKING VELVET BELT!
Matt: It's very Janet c.97. Get inside that velvet rope.
Jason: The human hair as the trim too. Is Chris really a gothed out serial killer in real life?
Matt: Oh, I thought that was fake fur. That's hot...gross
Jason: No - he used human hair.
Matt: VERY GOTH black candles, human hair, maces & spiky balls on strings.
Jason: Okay, I am trying to psyche myself up for the next look. Ugh.
Matt: Really, I actually kinda like it!
Jason: Why, why, why all of the velvet?
Matt: Yeah the velvet is too much, but the gloves rock! And the belt and necklace are hot.
Jason: We are going to have to disagree about this one.
Matt: Ok this one is Goth Chico's. Goth Talbots, for the 48 year old goth mom
Jason: #11 is more successful for me for some reason.
Matt: Midnight blue business suit? Its a bit more tame. He LOVES his black, blood red and midnight blues. At least he's consistent.
Jason: Again with the hair trim. Can you imagine taking that to the dry cleaners? Do you shampoo it?
Matt: Maybe it's removable? Velcro?
Jason: Maybe. I know I wouldn't want that human hair to be flopping in my soup when I go out to dinner.
Matt: The final look...yeah or no?
Jason: I really like it. Again, to me the use of the print is pretty great. Plus the model (from ANTM, no?) carries it well.
Matt: Yes, Bianca. She's hot. Yes, I know their names!
Jason: Faggot!
Matt: The print is a bit too obvious though. Look! Its a HUMAN FACE.
Jason: Apparently they are a really beautiful from the back. The dresses that is.
Matt: Faggoty sentence, fag. And then there's Chris. Gotta give it for the fattz + femz.
Jason: So, for reals, or a ringer?
Matt: Um, no...he is #4 though. Almost...
Jason: Yeah, this to Jason was a last minute edition to the festivities too.
Matt: I think this is set up in winner's order or something.
Jason: Oh well, hopefully Chris is at Pride or Market Days this summer in his Brunhilda drag with those giant fake breasts. He would be fun to grab a drink with at Sidetrack.

*Robert is a friend of ours with a love of all things black/goth/smoking jackets
**Matt is the other Matt who is the other half of Microfilm.

BITCHING ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY FINAL COLLECTIONS: SWEET P

We start with everyone's favorite hippie biker chick, sweet, sweet Sweet P. To follow along with the fun, go here to view the photos in high resolution (sorry I am not putting all of the images here, but I just don't have the hours). Very early on, it seems that there is some skepticism as to whether Sweet P. is in the running to win. Let's listen in!

Jason: So let's start with Sweet P. What do you think of her collection overall?
Matt: Kinda...eh. It's really all over the place for me. I mean, wildly varied colors and cuts. I've never been the biggest Sweet P. fan.
Jason: I was really surprised - I liked some of the looks a lot. Now that I can see them in high res I love the sparkle fabric on the first couple of looks.
Matt: Sparkle is fun, but it doesn't justify mustard gold and violet. It's very Grandma's cocktail party '71.
Jason: You know I always have liked the grandpa chic though. My penchant for cardigans.
Matt: Yes, but can't justify look #2: pouffy blouse and vest-dress (i.e. VESS) with big gold buttons and tan ankle socks.
Jason: It is a little Charlie and the Chocolate Factory/Munchkin
Matt: Yes, a little Veruca Salt ready for her big day. The look #3 is a more subdued version. She loves that slutty Miss 1969 secretary.
Jason: Can we just get the discussion about the puffy sleeves out the the way now, because otherwise we are going to be spending hours on it for each collection. What the fuck is up with the crazy huge shoulders? Has Christian really started a trend?
Matt: Yes, everyone is doing the puffy Victorian granny sleeves. It's in almost every collection here.
Jason: Very Dynasty.
Matt: Very Dynasty 1901.
Jason: D-Nasty
Matt: Very 'There Will Be Blood: Girls Gone Wild'
Jason: I thought women liked small shoulders. Oh well, at least there weren't tits a la Wendy Pepper Season 1.
Matt: Yeah, Joan Crawford is spinning in her OCD grave, loving it all. Explain the gold dress that follows in Sweet P.'s collection. I don't get it.
Jason: It is very Cruella DeVille on holiday. And the fucking bowler hat!
Matt: That kills it.
Jason: Why? The flower?
Matt: She crawled out of the basement, coz it's all dirty. Heidi will throw a shit fit.
The hat itself is just from another outfit.
Jason: Maybe her hair fell out when she was in the Tresemme Hair Salon?
I don't know, it looks like Christian and Chris dress from the avant garde challenge.
Matt: But dumbed down.
Jason: Well, yeah, more ready to wear. Okay, how about look #4
Matt: Worse. Magenta 1987 plaid jodphur skirt?! The shoes are cute ,I'll give it that.
Jason: I like plaid, but it is very Kristmas in the Kountry. I think we used to have that at a Xmas tree skirt when I was a kid.
Matt: Yeah, plaid is extremely hard to pull off and make it look expensive. And what's with the Boston Strangler gloves?
Jason: She is rocking the leather gloves in this collection. Beats me. They are using ALL of the bluefly.com accessory wall! Okay, I am bored with plaid. #5
Matt: Horrible.
Jason: I HATE this one
Matt: I mean the fit is sooooo off! It is like 2 sizes too big.
Jason: It is bunched up at the bottom!
Matt: Playing dress up in Gramma's closet. Musty as a cellar in there.
Jason: It gives her model man shoulders.
Matt: It's Courtney Love c. '91
Jason: And the hat and the earrings just kill it. Even the shoes look like they are from Payless.
Matt: OK she's sinking like a stone here!
Jason: Okay, #6 then.
Matt: This saves it a bit.
Jason: I really love this look. The color is great, the details are nice.
Matt: It's prettier/girlier, but...a bit home-sewn looking. It's a bit senior class project in Home Ec. I'm also not a fan of the golden end of the spectrum, but it is nice compared to the others. A bit simpler.
Jason: Eh. I like it. Plus no tacky accessories or hats.
Matt: The next one...you see, I don’t get her direction.
A wool dress with leg warmers?
Jason: Yeah, #6 is a bit Maurice's at the Village Mall.
Matt: It's a bit J. Crew couture.
Jason: Lower class than that
Matt: And there's no other second look like it; why is it here Sweet P?! It's aiming for Talbots Atelier.
Jason: Okay, #7 I have been waiting for. And I stand corrected, there are titties.
Matt: Hot, but that plaid! Ugh, it's killing me.
Jason: Oh, I though you would hate that one. Again, I like the grandpa pants. But it seems very jumbled.
Matt: That's something Jillian would show up wearing in the workroom.
Jason: So true!
Matt: The top and the bottom are soft meets hard, or flighty meets work-a-day. THUD.
Jason: Okay #8
Matt: This is fun! The gloves are distracting me. They’re so heavy with a flirty dress
Jason: Yeah. Like she is going to go chop firewood. Not sure it fits in, but I like the print.
Matt: It grows on me; first it seemed to ugly 70s... drapes or something. I like the black elements in it. Cool tights.
Jason: It looks like something Uli would have made in 5 minutes.
Matt: Yeah, but you know it took SP like a week and a half.
Jason: Okay, we will skip over Sweet P's pic and go to the....black & white thing. Again, WTF?
Matt: I kinda like the black and white, it’s a bit simple. But it's like the ONLY B&W, like the only Chico's wool dress.
Jason: I don't know. It just seems like a basic, boring look.
Matt: Yeah. And we end SP with "basic" and "boring"; yikes.
Jason: And the hat is very velvet painting, porcelain white skin, bright red lipstick
Matt: Rio/Duran Duran. Oh, I spoke too soon; there's Willy Wonka on the next page. Meets When Doves Cry.
Jason: That one works for me more than some of the others, although I feel like it is a page out of Christians playbook.
Matt: Yeah, a bit of a steal but its a nice look.
Jason: Even the hat goes with that one. The ONLY one where the hat works.
Matt: Yes. And no-shoveling-the-car-out gloves.
Jason: So, what do you think? We Sweet P one of the final 3, or a ringer?
Matt: She was like #4 or 5. Srrri.
Jason: Yeah. Her collection looks like Bravo called her 3 weeks ago and was like "Oh shit, we need you to show."
Matt: Yeah, or that she runs a good women's vintage clothing shop.
Jason: I think she has a future there.
Matt: And I wanted her to be a lesbian.
Jason: Instead of a big old hippie
Matt: Hippie meets faux-biker
Jason: Okay, you done with Sweet P?
Matt: Weeks ago.

BITCHING ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY FINAL COLLECTIONS: AN INTRO

Posh is only wearing that dress to make Michael seem less orange.

So as any good HFA soldier should know, this past Friday was the Single Most Important Event of the Year! Well, until Britney's funeral. Of course I am talking about New York Fashion Week's Project Runway show at Bryant Park. Many celebrities and past contestants were in the crowd, as were several Project Runway bloggers, including the fabulous T.Lo from Project Rungay and the less-than-fabulous crew from Blogging Project Runway, whose insistence on everyone being "nice" in the comments is fucking ridiculous and boring. But I digress.

Pretty soon after the show wrapped pictures of all of the collections were online, thus letting us know that this year 5 designers presented at the event. To which I say, what the hell? In Project Runway TV land, there is one more episode this week where two people are going to be eliminated to determine the "final three." But in reality land, once again the Bravo schedulers just can't figure out how to get all of the episodes in before they are spoiling the surprise at fashion week. Thus like the glorious Austin and Kara, 2 of the designers will be showing ringer collections that will not be in the running to be a winner. Andy Cohen, put down the crystal meth and that bottle of bronzer and look at a calendar! So like the Special Olympics, everybody wins! I expect Oprah to pop up and launch into "And YOU'RE showing at Fashion Week, and YOU'RE showing at Fashion Week...and" etc.

But of course, the more collections to see the more to love, right? Or at least the more collections to rip apart with bitchy comments! So joining me in the fun is my good friend Matt, social butterfly and one half of the fabulously brilliant Microfilm (Myspace here - check out their cover of Sufjan Steven's "Chicago"). Also available at the iTunes music store, so please support independent artists! Matt also has a loving...er...wife, who helps him sort his Madonna CD's and buys him a copy of every gossip magazine with Colin Farrell on the cover.

Join Matt and I as we discuss a designer a day. First up will me everyone's favorite biker hippie chick, Sweet P. If we forget anything, I am sure you will let us know in the comments.

PROBLEM AT PARTY HQ?

For those who have written me, I am not sure what is going on at Cynics' Party. I can't get it to load either. I have not gotten any word that something is amiss from the powers that be, so I can only assume our hamster stepped out for a smoke break or is planning the revolution against the Halliburton interment camps. I will keep my ear to the ground though.

UPDATE: Apparently it is a server issue with our hosts and Greg is trying to resolve it. So nothing nefarious at the moment.

ABANDONMENT ISSUES

Hmmmmm, on second thought maybe living in a police state wouldn't be so bad.

Hey cats and kittens. Sorry I haven't written much here, but the it has been great over at Cynics' Party. I am glad you have found it to your liking because it has been fun to write. I have been putting the little bit of creative energy I have over there, in case you have missed it:

John Edwards: Hot or Not?
Don't Worry About the Ecomony: Exxon is Doing Great!
Reflecting on the 2008 Campaign and Yesterday's Big Game

And in case you have been living under a rock, tomorrow is the Super Tuesday. I will vote in the morning, but I have a full day at work and then an event (non election related) in the evening, so I will be offline most of the day. But I am sure Greg, Hunter, Megan and others will keep the party going over at CP HQ, and I will try to check in when I get home around 10:00.

I was hoping to have some kind of HFA event tomorrow night, but alas it will have to be another time.

Thanks everyone, and get some rest for tomorrow. It should be a fun day!